


these days

by lvrbot



Series: hyunchan is a mess [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Lots of dialogue, Love Confessions, M/M, except it's not brought up that much, figuring out life, kind of, loving relationship hyunchan, seungbin is v background, to be expected at this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28647120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvrbot/pseuds/lvrbot
Summary: God damn it,Chan thinks,I’m in love.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Series: hyunchan is a mess [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099373
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83





	these days

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't resist writing more for this universe, i just love it too much hehe  
> the title is another wallows song :)
> 
> enjoy <3

_**April 4** _

It’s a spring day in April when Chan realizes. 

The moment isn’t sparked by anything in particular, nor is it marked by fireworks like he’d been expecting. Instead, Chan is laying on his stomach in a dance room, finishing homework while Hyunjin practices his turns for the hundredth time in an hour. He takes a break to reward himself for finishing the discussion board he had due a week ago, and lays his head on his arms, facing Hyunjin. It’s then, as he watches the sweat fly off his boyfriend’s face, that he realizes there’s no one else that could make him carry around disinfectant wipes so he could lay on the floor of the universities dance room and watch them sweat for hours at a time. 

_God damn it,_ he thinks, _I’m in love._

Chan decides he’s going to tell Hyunjin right then. It’s something he should know, something Chan needs to say before the feeling being pumped into his chest makes his heart explode. He opens his mouth, takes a deep breath, and counts to five before spilling his guts.

“Do you want to get ice cream?” And no, that’s not what he meant to say, but Hyunjin smiles, the one that makes Chan melt from the inside out and god, how did he deny it for so long. 

“You know I can’t say no to ice cream.” 

So they go get ice cream, and everytime Chan tries to say _it_ his mouth won’t listen to his brain. Instead it comes out like _Close your jacket. It's too cold to be fashionable,_ or _Walk on the inside of the sidewalk before you go careening into oncoming traffic._

Chan tries to tell him that he thinks if Hyunjin looks at him with stars in his eyes one more time his heart will liquify and leak out of his ears, but his mouth says, “You’re a pretty cool dude.” 

“I would hope you think so,” Hyunjin cackles as Chan covers his face in shame, “otherwise we’ve been wasting time together.”

“That’s not what I meant to say,” Chan tells him, stacking Hyunjin’s empty bowl into his. 

“Then what did you mean to say?” 

Chan laughs nervously, “Oh, you know.” 

“Actually I don’t,” Hyunjin’s obviously trying to stop giggling, but he’s doing a piss poor job at it.

“You know what,” Chan huffs, pushing out of his seat, “if you’re going to laugh I’m out of here.” Hyunjin laughs harder, and Chan has to turn around quickly so his own giggles are covered.

“I can still see you laughing,” Hyunjin tells him, trailing behind as they exit the building, “your shoulders are shaking.”

“Maybe I’m crying.” 

“Was the ice cream that gross?” 

Chan turns to glare, “No. You are though.” 

“Aw baby,” Hyunjin coos, “you’re so cute.” 

It’s embarrassing, standing on the side of the road while the hustle and bustle of Seoul continues around them, and having Hyunjin coo at him. As a grown adult he’s ready to run and hide from the glances, but then Hyunjin ducks down to kiss his forehead, and he’s suddenly okay. 

“I love you,” Chan breathes out, heart aching in a way that feels so good. 

“You what?” Hyunjin gasps, looking very overwhelmed. 

“I love you. You don’t have to, like, say it back or anything, I just needed to tell you.”

“Why would you tell me that in the middle of the sidewalk?”

“I don’t know, I just felt it!”

Hyunjin laughs, “Chan, I love you, but I would never tell you that for the first time surrounded by random people in the middle of the city.”

“You just did.” 

“Oh my God I did.” 

Chan moves closer, “It’s okay. I love you. And you love me. We’re basically meant to be.” 

There’s a moment where Hyunjin kisses him, and Chan’s convinced he’s figured out what love is exactly. He can feel his heartbeat thumping throughout his entire body, and when their lips meet the world goes silent. It hits him then, a feeling that no matter what, words wouldn’t be enough to express the love he possessed. Chan’s worried for just a second that his heart will actually explode, that he’ll be left bloody and raw, leaking love from his pores and unable to stop. 

He’d felt like that twice before. When each of his younger siblings was born and he held them for the first time, fully aware that from that moment forward he was a big brother, one who could shape the life of the perfectly delicate bundle he held in his arms. The only difference was that Chan couldn’t show Hyunjin his love by chasing off school bullies, or picking him up drunk with promises not to tell. Instead, he was distinctly aware that this love, the relationship he’d grown through shy glances and drunken hookups, was something he’d have to cherish. Something he’d have to hold as gently as those tiny bundles years before, and something he’d watch carefully as it grew. 

It’s terrifying, and for a split second Chan wants to run. Wants to hide the softest parts of himself in a steel box, unavailable to damage. But then, he remembers the nights Hyunjin’s held him as he cried through movies that weren’t that sad, and the evenings he spent in the school library, waiting for Chan’s shift at the daycare to end because he couldn’t convince himself to leave the kids early. Memories of tearful phone calls with his family ring through his head, the feeling of being so disconnected even when they were right there only lessening through hearing Hyunjin giggle with his mom, and convince his little brother to turn in homework that was weeks past due just to show initiative. It becomes obvious then, that Hyunjin already had access to the most vulnerable pieces of him and had cradled them carefully. 

So, unable to verbalize the tsunami of emotion inside of him, he grabs Hyunjin’s hand and kisses the back of it, switching places with him so Hyunjin’s tucked inwards by the businesses lining the sidewalk. He listens as Hyunjin rambles about the combination he’d been working on in the dance room, nodding along and insisting that he too could get a quadruple pirouette if he really wanted to. Chan walks him right up to his front door, has to leave since Minho needs help with an assignment, but makes Hyunjin promise to eat a lot and call him before bed. Then, him and his overflowing feelings turn around and walk home, a smile he can’t fight lighting his face up the whole way.

\---

_**May 3** _

Sometimes, even after months of being around them, Chan is still shocked at Hyunjin’s roommates dynamic. Most of the time they’re yelling at each other, and Chan’s just waiting for the first punch to be thrown so he can step in. Then, seemingly out of nowhere they burst out into laughter and Chan’s left looking between them and trying to figure out if he had imagined the whole first part of their conversation. 

Honestly, when Chan started officially dating Hyunjin he thought he’d acquired a boyfriend. Instead, he’d gotten that with the addition of four judgmental half friends. 

That’s not to say he didn’t enjoy being around them. After a while it was obvious Jisung and Felix were mostly messing with him, and Jisung still asked for his help while composing. On the other hand, the closer he got with Jeongin and Seungmin, the more they seemed to enjoy bothering him and Hyunjin. For the most part, Chan thought it was funny. Unfortunately, Hyunjin’s capacity for dealing with either of them was insanely low. 

“I’m going to need you to go away before I kick your ass,” Hyunjin hisses at Jeongin, after nearly twenty minutes of him talking throughout the movie they were trying to watch.

Jeongin pouts back at him, “You’re so mean to me. Felix never yells at me.”

“You don’t go out of your way to bother Felix everytime he brings a boy over,” Hyunjin scoffs, “and if you want to know what me yelling is actually like I’d be happy to show you that.” 

“Felix brings boys over?” Chan asks. 

Hyunjin turns and raises an eyebrow, “Why is that interesting to you?”

“It’s not!” Chan sputters. 

A second later both Hyunjin and Jeongin burst out into laughter, Jeongin laying down to rest his head on Hyunjin’s stomach. Chan’s a little confused as to why they’re not still fighting and instead have teamed up against him, but he’s not mad at it so he leaves it alone. 

“I was just wondering,” Chan explains, “because I thought him and Jisung were dating.” 

There’s a clattering that comes from the kitchen, and all of a sudden Felix is in front of them.

“You thought I was dating _Jisung?_ ” 

Chan stares back for a moment, not totally sure why he was acting like it was the end of the world. “You guys share a bed most of the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you separated for more than like thirty minutes. I’ve literally seen you kiss on the mouth multiple times. And didn’t you guys hook up with that one guy at Junhoe’s party?” 

“Actually,” Hyunjin hums, “now that you phrase it like that I kind of understand how you could come to that conclusion.” 

“Who did you hook up with at Junhoe’s party?” Jeongin asks. 

Felix glares, “Thanks for spreading my business, Chan.”

“How was I supposed to know he didn’t know? You guys tell each other everything.”

Seungmin pops in from the hall bathroom, “Did he say you and Jisung hooked up with someone? Did y’all have a threesome and not tell us?”

“Well I told _someone,_ ” Felix grits out, “but that someone wasn’t Chan so I’m confused as to how he knows.” Everyone turns to Hyunjin, who turns to him, glaring. Chan sinks down in his seat. 

Then, like a knight in shining armour coming to make sure Chan made it home alive, Jisung walks in. The reaction is instantaneous. 

“Did you fuck Felix?” Seungmin bites, absolutely no tact at all. 

“Did you fuck Felix and _not tell us?_ ” Jeongin demands. Jisung reels backwards, looking around the room like he’s trying to find a lifeline. 

“Well?” Jeongin insists.

“I mean, technically no?” 

Felix covers his face with both hands, groaning out a simple, “Oh my god.”

Jisung hops onto the breakfast bar, something Chan had seen him and Felix argue about a million times, “That one guy, what was his name?” he pauses before shrugging and continuing, “I don’t remember, but he fucked Felix.” 

Seungmin gapes, “You got cucked by _Felix?_ ”

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t make it sound like I’m disgusting please and thank you,” Felix interjects. 

Chan keeps his eyes trained on his hands in his lap, knowing full well this was not something they would normally be talking about around him. 

“Felix screwed Jisung after,” Hyunjin tells them, rolling his eyes, “Jisung’s just drawing it out because he likes the attention.” 

Jisung gasps, “I resent that.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t know this very important information,” Seungmin huffs, “how the hell did you keep quiet if even Lix couldn’t?” 

“Well,” Jisung shifts, “I told Changbin.” 

A hush falls over the room and Chan tenses, already knowing what about to happen.

“You told _who?_ ” Hyunjin shrieks. 

The thing with Changbin had had the biggest effect on the household as a whole. From what he understands, after weeks of back and forth, Seungmin had tried to kiss Changbin, who jerked away, and was promptly declared enemy number one. Hyunjin told Chan it was a humiliating experience for someone who already had a hard time showing affection. Changbin told him he just hadn’t been expecting it, and had tried to call Seungmin ten times in the days that followed.

It was a contemptuous topic, one that rattled the relationships in their just merging friend group. Jisung relied heavily on Changbin for math help, and Chan was obviously his best friend. But eventually Changbin was banned from entering the apartment, and it became very obvious very quickly that his name was not to be mentioned anywhere near the house, not around Seungmin, and definitely not around Hyunjin. 

A few days later, when Chan runs into Seungmin in the kitchen at three in the morning, Seungmin tells him it’s a misunderstanding. _You can’t be mad at someone for not reciprocating your feelings,_ he declares. That night, Chan feels like he understands a little bit as Seungmin divulges his struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria, a symptom of his ADHD. _My therapist has given me really good coping mechanisms, Seungmin promises, but sometimes I can’t remember them until the situation has already blown up._ Apparently, Hyunjin was the first person who knew when Seungmin was diagnosed, and was particularly protective over his best friend's feelings.

Still, it had been two weeks, and the mere mention of Changbin around Seungmin continued to set Hyunjin off. 

“Traitor!” Seungmin yells at Jisung, throwing a couch cushion at him. 

Hyunjin’s standing behind him, nodding, “You’re a rat,” he bites out, “that man doesn’t need to know anything about this family.”

Seungmin gives him a look, “Hyunjin, shut up.” Hyunjin does, throwing his arms up and slouching over to go snuggle with Chan.

“Did Changbin write your sociology final because you had a breakdown?” Jeongin asks, grabbing a pen off the coffee table and tossing it at Jisung, “Did he pick you up while you were drunk and he didn’t have his license so your mom wouldn’t kick your ass?”

“Did Jeongin actually do that?” Chan asks Hyunjin, moving his head so the coaster Jeongin threw wouldn’t hit him.

Hyunjin nods, “Yeah, we used to make him pick us up all the time. It was actually really funny.” 

Jisung hops down from the breakfast bar and grabs a stool, yielding it like a weapon, “The next person who hits me with something is going to die.” 

“My heart has already died,” Jeongin sniffs, “it’s like I don’t even know you anymore.” 

“For heaven’s sake,” Felix groans, “everyone sit down and shut the fuck up.” 

Somehow, everyone does. It’s another thing Chan had yet to understand, why everyone listened to Felix in particular. Hyunjin was the oldest, but the last time Chan saw him try to take charge Jisung had rolled his eyes and walked away, taking Jeongin with him. Yet every time Felix called for their attention he got it. 

Chan had brought it up to Hyunjin once before, genuinely curious as to how someone who looked so sweet and harmless could get the room to calm down just by standing. Hyunjin had just looked at him confused, and said it was because it was Felix. That was the last they’d spoken about it. 

“I understand you guys feel left out,” Felix says, focusing on Seungmin and Jeongin, “and I sympathise with that, but we have a guest over.” The attention in the room swings to Chan and he waves awkwardly. 

“Chan’s not even a guest,” Seungmin says, rolling his eyes. 

“Then what is he? A decoration?” Hyunjin asks, snuggling further into his boyfriend’s chest. 

Jeongin scoffs, “He’s basically a garden gnome. Short, weird face, empty head, dumb hat.”

Chan takes his hat off and sets it next to him, oddly self conscious about being called a damn garden gnome.

“You are such an asshole,” Hyunjin bites. 

“Stop it,” Felix grinds out, “we want Chan to think we’re good people and you all are totally blowing our cover.”

“If it makes it any better,” Chan interrupts, “I didn’t really have any delusions as to what I was getting myself into.”

Hyunjin looks up at him, “Really? How did you not run screaming?”

Chan smiles, “I thought you were worth it.” Hyunjin gets this look on his face, like he’s overwhelmed and in love at the same time, and he kisses Chan’s chest, right over his heart. 

“I’m out,” Seungmin sighs, “This isn’t worth it.” Chan disagrees, thinks that every moment he gets to spend with Hyunjin and the people close to them is worth it. Even when he has to hear them scream about threesomes and call him a garden gnome. However, he does get a sense of relief when they all separate into their bedrooms, leaving him and Hyunjin alone in the living room. 

“Finally,” Hyunjin huffs, grabbing the remote to rewind their movie, “next time we’re going to yours.” 

“You know Changbin lives with me right?”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, “I know.”

“I don’t really want to deal with bloodshed if you attack him in his own home,” Chan tells him. 

“I’m a pacifist,” Hyunjin sniffs, “even if I want Changbin to rot I would never start the process.” 

Chan laughs, “Maybe it’s better for us to just hang out here then.”

Hyunjin sighs, “Yeah, probably.” 

\---

_**May 20** _

When Chan’s economics class gets cancelled he’s ready to cry from relief. He’d stayed up most of the night before writing a paper for his gender studies class, and had woken up early to get breakfast with Hyunjin. Something he was looking forward to, but was ultimately yelled at when he showed up half awake and unaware. Hyunjin was actually upset enough to refuse to hang out with Chan during his new break, ordering him to go home and take a nap instead.

So, Chan drags himself home, playing on his phone on the bus ride to stop himself from falling asleep and possibly missing his stop.

When he walks in, immediately heading to the kitchen to grab a banana or something before he knocks out, he wishes he had passed out in the middle of the street. Maybe had someone run him over. Maybe just gone missing for a day or two. “What. Are you doing here?” He asks, stopping in the doorway.

“Chan,” Changbin laughs nervously, “I thought you had class?”

“It got cancelled.” He explains, looking from Changbin to the body sitting stock still on their counter, “I didn’t think we’d have any guests over.”

“Sorry.” Seungmin says, not meeting Chan’s eyes.

“Is that really what you want to say to me?” Chan asks.

“Um,” Seungmin looks between Chan and Changbin, “Can we talk in the hall?”

Chan sighs, nodding his agreement and following Seungmin out of the room. “What the hell, dude.”

“You can’t tell Hyunjin.” Seungmin rushes out, picking at his cuticles.

“He doesn’t know?” Chan whisper shouts.

“No! You know how he gets.” Seungmin stresses, “He’d just go all crazy and want to know everything and I don’t even know what’s going on, okay? I don’t have the answers he’ll want and I don’t want to deal with him asking those questions.”

“Seungmin, how do you expect me to hide this from him? If he finds out I know he’ll kill me, and then go after Changbin.” Chan groans, “Do you all hate me this much? That you’re trying to get murdered by my own boyfriend?”

“I don’t hate you.” Seungmin mumbles, eyes trained on the floor.

“What?”

“I don’t hate you.” Seungmin repeats, louder this time but still not making eye contact. “I really like you for Hyunjin. And you help Jisung out all the time without complaining, even though he’s the worst to work with. And Changbin told me about how you help them with whatever they need, too, so I know you’re a good person and I really like you being around.” Seungmin blurts out. “I know we tease you all the time, but it’s just us messing around. I don’t hate you.”

Chan stares at him for a moment. “Okay, you don’t hate me. I still can’t just lie to Hyunjin for however long it’s going to take for you two to figure this all out.”

“Please,” Seungmin clasps his hands together under his chin, “I will never ask you for anything ever again. I’ll get Jeongin to lay off for a little bit, just please. Keep this secret for me until I can talk to him myself.”

Chan runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. He doesn’t want to upset Seungmin or Changbin, but he also doesn’t want to lie to the man he loves. “There is no scenario I can think of that has this end in a good way.”

“I’ll tell him soon, Chan. I just have to figure some things out first.” Seungmin frowns, “Please?”

“Fine.” Chan finally says after prolonged silence.

“Promise.” Seungmin suddenly gets in his face, sad and innocent facade gone, “Promise on your life that you won’t tell.”

“Jesus, fine. I promise on my life.” Chan moves back. Seungmin relaxes for the first time since Chan had gotten there, and smiles sweetly at him. 

“Thank you. I’ll talk to Jeongin about not being a little shit for at least a week.” 

“You need to sort your shit out in two weeks or I’m telling Hyunjin. I can’t justify lying to him at all, but I especially can’t justify lying to him for longer than that.” Chan tells him. 

Seungmin nods, “I know, I will. Two weeks and I’ll confess everything.” Changbin pokes his head out from where he was hiding around the corner, but Chan can’t even look at him without wanting to hit him. To stop himself he walks into his room, forcing himself to fall asleep and half hoping that when he woke up it would have all been a dream. 

\---

_**May 21** _

“Chan,” Changbin calls, “can I put bleach in the washer for the towels? Or is that going to ruin the color?” Chan ignores him pointedly, focusing on finishing his lunch. Changbin calls out twice more, and eventually Minho storms out of his room to tell him that bleach ruins everything that’s not white, use critical thinking skills and stop asking.

“Are you wearing headphones?” Minho demands, storming into the kitchen, “You’re literally five feet away from the laundry room there’s no way you can’t hear the little brat calling out for help.”

Chan looks at him blankly, “You seem grumpy.”

“I am grumpy,” Minho grits, articulating every word, “I was up until like five in the morning and now I’m being woken up at noon by you refusing to help the baby. So what the hell dude.”

Changbin walks into the kitchen then, pouting and scrunching to make himself look even smaller than usual. “You’re mean,” he tells Chan, “Minho yelled at me because of you.”

“I’ve told you no less than a thousand times that bleach only goes in all white loads. You not knowing how to listen and apply what you’re taught is not my problem,” Chan says, rolling his eyes. 

“Why is everyone in this house pissy,” Changbin grumbles, “it’s totally harshing my vibe.” 

“You know not to put clorox in the washer, you just want attention,” Chan deadpans.

Changbin sniffs, “There’s nothing wrong with needing a little attention every now and then. I’m a leo, it’s inevitable.” 

It only takes Minho a second to storm over and push Changbin into the counter, “You woke me up because you wanted attention? Seriously?” 

The pout Changbin gives back is cute, but Chan knows that acting cute usually just pisses Minho off even more. Sure enough, Chan watches silently as Minho puts Changbin into a headlock. Changbin cries for help but Chan knows Minho would never actually hurt him, and he’s still annoyed about the Seungmin thing, so he turns the other way to continue eating. 

“You’re such a dickbag,” Changbin pushes at his shoulder, “why are you so moody today.” 

Chan gapes, “Maybe it’s because you’re boning my boyfriend’s best friend and now I have to keep it a secret!” 

“It’s not that big of a deal Channie,” Changbin groans, “and if you had gone to class like you were supposed to this would have never happened.” 

“Wait wait wait,” Minho waves his hands around, “you’re messing around with Seungmin again? And making Chan hide it? Chan’s skipping class?” 

“I didn’t skip class,” Chan glares, “it was cancelled.” 

“Well I’m not boning Seungmin,” Changbin glares back, “we were just hanging out.”

“I don’t care what you were doing, if I end up in shit for this I’m gonna beat your ass.” 

“What is with the drama?” Minho asks, “If Hyunjin gets upset just blame it all on Changbin.” 

Chan huffs, “I’m obviously already planning on doing that. But I’m still annoyed.” 

Changbin pushes his way into Chan’s chest, grabbing Chan’s arms and wrapping them around him when the older doesn’t, “Please don’t be mad?” 

“Ugh, Binnie,” Chan groans, kissing his head as he always does when Changbin’s being particularly clingy, “I wish you weren’t such a dumbass.” 

“But I’m your favorite, right?” Changbin asks, batting his eyelashes, “Even if I’m a dumbass?” Chan pushes him off his chest and swats at his head. 

“I’m his favorite,” Minho scoffs, “we’ve been friends longer.” 

“Neither of you are my favorite,” Chan sighs, knowing exactly what’s about to happen. Usually Minho’s not one for whining, but when Changbin’s involved it basically sets him off. The complaining and demands for Chan to pick one of them follow him into the living room. Turning up the volume on the television does nothing to deter the pair, and eventually Chan tosses the remote at Minho’s face and declares Hyunjin as the winner to the non-existent contest. 

“He’s not even here,” Changbin pouts. 

Chan tsks, “And yet he’s still my favorite. I wonder what that says about you two.” 

Minho pushes his head, “Whatever. I didn’t care anyways.” 

“Then go away and let me watch my show.” 

Minho sucks in a breath, “If I didn’t know better I would think you didn’t like me.” 

“Then maybe you don’t know better.” 

“I’m out of here,” Minho says, pushing off the couch, “Binnie, do you want to come take a nap with me?” 

“You just woke up.” Changbin squints. 

“I know I just woke up. I don’t know what that has to do with my napping plans.” Changbin shrugs and agrees, hopping off the couch. Chan watches, smiling softly. When Minho turns to flip him off he quickly hides the upturn of his lips and returns the sentiment, never one to make them too comfortable.

\---

_**May 31** _

The thing is, Chan can’t fall asleep with noise. Normally it’s not a problem. Changbin and Minho are quiet enough, and the house is big enough that he can’t really hear them when they’re not. At Hyunjin’s, however, it’s almost never quiet. Currently, someone’s screeching almost directly outside the door. Hyunjin’s doing some work on his laptop, and Chan’s holding two pillows over his ears. He’s nearly asleep when there’s a loud thump against the bedroom door. 

“Sorry,” Jeongin pokes his head in and giggles, “nothing to worry about out here.” Hyunjin smiles back tightly and the door closes. 

“Not that I don’t love your friends,” Chan says, knocking the pillows off his head, “but why do they have to be so loud so late at night?”

Hyunjin rubs Chan’s head, pouting down at him, “Does baby want me to tell them to shut the hell up?” 

“No. If you do they’ll probably just hate me even more.” 

“You know they don’t hate you, Channie.” 

Chan flips around to face him, “If they don’t hate me why are they so mean to me?” 

“I told you honey, they’re just teasing you. It’s better to ignore them, it’ll make them stop faster.” 

“That’s literally one of the least helpful things you’ve ever said,” Chan tells him, pouting slightly without realizing. 

Hyunjin coos and sets his laptop aside, slinking down the bed until they’re eye level. “I’m sorry my friends are annoying. If you really want me to, I’ll tell them to quit bothering you, and I’ll say they’re not allowed to bug you about it.” 

Before Chan can respond there’s another loud thump, causing them both to jump. The door opens again and Jisung sticks his head into the room, “We’re fine, don’t worry.” 

“We’re trying to sleep dickbag,” Hyunjin says, throwing a random piece of paper at him, “can y’all shut up?” 

Jisung giggles out an apology and promises to stop. They’re still yelling a minute later when Chan’s convincing Hyunjin to leave them alone. 

“If you think it’s too far you can say something. But if you think they’re being normal then I believe you.” 

“Okay, if you’re sure I’ll leave it alone.” Hyunjin promises, sliding even further down the bed to wrap himself around Chan’s stomach. “But I’m sleepy now, so let’s sleep.” Chan agrees and they lay there listening to what honestly might be a war scene going on outside the door. After a few more minutes of chaos, Hyunjin grabs his phone and calls Felix, telling him that Chan’s been trying to sleep for thirty minutes and can’t because of the noise. Chan tells him not to, convinced nothing would get better, but seconds later it’s deliciously quiet and within moments Chan’s blissfully asleep.

Of course, what feels like minutes after they fall asleep there’s a knock on Hyunjin’s door. It’s to be expected at this point, and even though Hyunjin groans and rolls over in his sleep, neither of them actually get up to see who it is. 

But, the door still opens, and through the tiny sliver of light that leaks in from the hallway Chan sees a head poke in.

“Hyunjin,” It whispers, “are you awake?” 

Hyunjin lifts up his head, “Minnie? What’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream,” Seungmin sniffs, “can I lay with you?” 

“Of course baby,” Hyunjin tells him, scooting over and lifting up the edge of the blanket, “Chan, move over so Min can get in bed.”

“I’m on the edge,” Chan grumbles, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “your bed wasn’t exactly made for three people.”

Hyunjin ignores him, shoving more backwards to make space, “Do you wanna cuddle?” He asks Seungmin, “Or do you want us to leave you alone?” 

Chan has absolutely no idea who ‘us’ is, and rolls to face the wall, planning on just going back to bed and letting the other two figure their shit out together. Instead he’s shoved again, having to make room once Seungmin says he wants to be in the middle. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Hyunjin murmurs, obviously still half asleep. 

Seungmin sniffs, “I dreamt you were mad at me, and didn’t want to talk anymore. And then you moved out and I never saw you again.”

“Baby,” Hyunjin sighs, “you could never do anything that would make me leave. Is there something that triggered it? Were you watching sad videos before bed again?” 

“No, I think it’s about Changbin.”

Hyunjin freezes, “What _about_ Changbin?”

Seungmin takes a deep breath, “I’ve been talking to him again. And we’ve hung out a few times. I just thought you should know.” Hyunjin doesn’t say anything and Seungmin starts to ramble, “It’s not, like, a big deal or anything. I just talked to him and explained why I got all weird since I didn’t want him to think I was angry. And then we just ended up hanging out a couple times.”

The silence continues, and even Chan is kind of worried. Hyunjin was loyal almost to a fault, and most of the time his indignance at a situation lingered if his friends were involved. The day after the ‘incident’ Changbin walked with Chan to the library where he was meeting Hyunjin, and that ended with Chan having to physically place himself in between them. It wasn’t really something he wanted to repeat at two in the morning because Seungmin decided that was the perfect time to confess all of his sins. 

“Are you mad? Don’t be mad,” Seungmin whines, pressing more into Chan to try and see Hyunjin’s face through the darkness. 

“Seungmin, scoot over,” Chan groans, “you’re taking up the whole damn bed.” 

“Then go sleep on the couch,” Seungmin snaps, “I’m trying to have a moment with my best friend.”

“And I was trying to sleep with my boyfriend before your big head decided to bust through the door. But we’re all here together now so move your ass.” Chan says, placing two hands on Seungmin’s shoulders and pushing him over. 

“Chan,” Hyunjin hisses, “you’re gonna end up pushing me off the bed, stop.” 

Chan does, huffing as he turns to face the other way. He also yanks the blankets to show he’s annoyed, but doesn’t close his eyes, interested in what’s going to happen. 

Hyunjin sighs, “Minnie, I’m really proud of you for reaching out to Changbin.” 

“You are?”

“Of course I am! I know things like that aren’t easy for you. I think it’s amazing that you were able to work through that.”

“Oh good,” Seungmin smiles, snuggling further into the pillow he’d stolen from Chan, “I’m proud of myself too. It’s pretty cool that I did that on my own.”

Chan flips around, “Great, you guys still love each other. Can you go away now?” Hyunjin reaches an arm around Seungmin’s head and slaps Chan’s forehead, making him yelp. 

“I’ve been sleeping in this bed a lot longer than you have Channie boy,” Seungmin tells him smugly, “if you’re that bad at sharing you can go sleep in my bed.” 

“Whatever,” Chan sniffs, turning back around, “not like I care anyways.” He can pretty much hear Seungmin’s eye roll, and resists the urge to turn back around and argue some more. Instead, he grabs one of the decorative pillows he’d thrown off the bed at the beginning of the night and holds it to his chest. Definitely not as warm and snuggly as Hyunjin, but it’ll have to do for the night. To his credit, Hyunjin reaches an arm fully around Seungmin to rest on Chan’s back, connecting them again. Chan closes his eyes and pretends he’s not squished into a queen sized bed with two other fully grown men. After only a few minutes of imagining him and Hyunjin going on a beach vacation with no one around to fight for his boyfriend’s attention he starts to slip into a dream following the same storyline, body relaxing. 

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispers. It’s enough to yank Chan out of his near slumber, alert at how genuinely upset he sounds. For a moment he’s about to turn around and tell him he’s not actually that upset about Seungmin’s place in the bed, that he knows how close they are and loves that Hyunjin’s so caring. Only for a moment though, before Seungmin responds instead. 

“Sorry for what?” 

There’s a moment's pause and Chan worries that Hyunjin’s crying. But still, he refrains from inserting himself, wondering if Hyunjin’s hand on his back was less about having some kind of physical touch and more about knowing when he was asleep. Either way, the conversation seems private, and Chan’s willing to give that illusion of privacy if that’s what Hyunjin wants. 

“I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me about Changbin,” Seungmin tries to interrupt but Hyunjin continues, “I know I can get a little intense about stuff like that. I just wish I could protect you from everything, everyone who could hurt you. But, if you’re happy with Changbin, and he treats you well, I’m happy. You’re not my little Minnie anymore, and I’m still learning that you don’t always need me to be your guard dog.”

Seungmin must press into Hyunjin then, because his side is no longer digging into Chan’s back, something he’s grateful for. “Jinnie, I’m not upset with you.” 

“I’m upset with myself.”

“You shouldn’t be. I wanted to wait until I was more comfortable with us actually going anywhere, not because I didn’t trust you.” Seungmin promises, and Chan can hear someone give a wet kiss.

Hyunjin groans, “Ew, gross.”

“Gross right back to you, what the hell is on your face?” Seungmin retches. Chan smiles to himself, glad they’re back to joking around. He closes his eyes and finally goes back to sleep, tuning out the giggles coming from the other side of the bed.

\---

_**June 1** _

At some point in the night everyone must have shifted, because Chan wakes up with Seungmin wrapped around his back and Hyunjin tucked into his front. It’s unbelievably hot, and with every passing second Chan’s need for the restroom increases. He tries to slide down the bed, but Hyunjin’s wrapped around him like a vice, and grips tighter every time he moves. For the next twenty minutes he’s stuck. It’s only once Seungmin’s drool seeps through his shirt and into his shoulder that Chan decides enough is enough. 

With all the softness he can muster, Chan grabs Hyunjin’s hands from around his waist and prys them away, tucking them gently into his chest. After sliding his legs out from where they’re tangled with his boyfriend’s, he sits straight up and scoots to the foot of the bed, slinking off and rushing to the bathroom. At the last minute he decides against using Hyunjin’s en suite, not wanting to wake anyone up by opening and closing a bunch of doors. 

It turns out to be a mistake, since after he uses the bathroom he can’t go back inside Hyunjin’s room. Chan ends up awkwardly sitting on the couch and watching the tv on mute, not wanting to be the reason anyone in the house wakes up. Honestly, he’s slightly scared of them all. Most of the time it seems like they barely tolerate him, and Chan doesn’t want to push it. 

He spends almost an hour on the couch, only leaving to grab some chips to munch on. Finally, Jeongin walks out of his room with a backpack, stopping before he can reach the kitchen and just staring at Chan. 

“What?” Chan asks.

Jeongin tilts his head, “Are you and Hyunjin fighting?” Chan sputters out a no and he squints his eyes, “Then why are you lingering on the couch like a weirdo? It’s freaking me out.”

“I went to the bathroom and I didn’t want to wake Jinnie by getting back in bed. So I was just hanging out in here,” Chan explains.

Jeongin shrugs and walks over to sit next to Chan on the couch, taking out a notebook and his laptop, “How much do you know about math?” 

“What kind of math?”

“I don’t know. If I did I wouldn’t be asking you. Obviously,” Jeongin rolls his eyes and Chan has to stop himself from shoving him off the couch. 

Instead, he sighs, “Lemme see what I can do,” and takes the laptop. The kids class seems to be working on some relatively simple stuff, so Chan spends the next forty-five minutes going through how to solve different kinds of equations. Jeongin’s surprisingly receptive to the help, and refrains from being a little shit for nearly the whole time. Even more shocking, is how much Chan enjoys explaining everything to the younger. He hadn’t taken a math class in almost a full year, and had forgotten how nice it was to do the same thing over and over. Eventually, the pair get through an entire chapter, and the homework that accompanies it. 

“Why are you even doing homework on a Saturday,” Chan asks, “you were bragging about never having assignments on weekends like two days ago.” 

Jeongin gives him a look, “Not that you need to know, but I almost failed two classes my freshman year because I refused to do my work.” 

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Jeongin sighs, “I was put on academic probation or whatever, so Felix cut me a deal. Now we all share an online calendar, and if I complete every assignment I have for a month I get to pick the movies we watch. Even for summer classes, which is why I had to wake up so early and finish this.”

Chan checks the time, “It’s almost noon.” 

“I know. Usually I don’t even leave bed until like two in the afternoon, so I’m a little tired.” 

“What movie do you want to watch?” 

Jeongin grins, “Pride and Prejudice. We never get to watch it because everyone gets too loud, but if I get to pick, they can’t say no.” 

“You guys get hype to a Jane Austen movie?”

“Have you ever watched the Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightly?” 

“No,” Chan shakes his head, “but I pretty much know what it’s about.” 

Jeongin rolls his eyes, but before he can say anything Hyunjin walks out of his bedroom. He looks like a mess. His eyes are still mostly closed, his hair is tossed about, and it’s obvious how hard he slept from the lines across his face. Still, Chan smiles softly at the sight of his boyfriend just waking up and wishes they could’ve woken up together. 

“What are you doing out here?” Hyunjin yawns, padding over to slump into Chan’s lap, “I thought you left.” 

With the way the light from the window shines off Hyunjin’s complexion, Chan thinks he’s truly met an angel. He almost forgets to respond, preoccupied with trying to commit every inch of his lover’s face to memory. 

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” Chan tells him gently, fully aware of how sensitive Hyunjin is when he wakes up, “so me and Innie were spending some time together.” 

“I’m done with my shit,” Jeongin cuts in, “we’re watching Pride and Prejudice.”

Hyunjin groans, “Innie, it makes everyone too rowdy. Let’s just watch something simple tonight.”

“You say that everytime,” Jeongin protests, “I did my work, I get to pick the movie. And I pick the 2005 Pride and Prejudice.” Hyunjin sighs, going to protest before Jeongin cuts him off, “Chan agrees. He said it was his favorite movie and he really wanted to watch it with us.”

Chan has to stop himself from shrinking when they both turn to look at him. “Did you say that?” Hyunjin asks, looking at him expectantly.

Here’s the thing.

Chan has had a healthy fear of Jeongin since he met him. Having his own younger siblings, he knew the lengths they would go to just to get their way. Youngest siblings were conniving and borderline mean, and Jeongin fit that bill.

However, he also loved Hyunjin with his entire being and didn’t want to lie to him or make his life harder by taking Jeongin’s side.

When Chan starts to feel Jeongin’s glare burn into his skin, he knows what decision he has to make.

“I did say that,” Chan blurts out, relaxing when Jeongin eases the glaring in favor of smirking smugly at Hyunjin, “I haven’t seen it in a while, but it was one of my favorites.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, “Whatever,” He stands, flouncing away into the kitchen to start making his coffee, “I’m not going to fight with two liars.”

Jeongin gasps, moving his textbook off of his lap and standing, “How dare you call us liars. How could I force Chan to lie to you?”

“You force Chan to do everything for you.” Hyunjin eyes him.

“Name one time,” Jeongin crosses his arms.

“You made him go out and buy you ice cream because you said it was too late even though he had three more assignments to do.” Hyunjin presses his lips together.

“I was tired and he was right there,” Jeongin throws his arms up, “And he offered!”

“You told him that if he didn’t go get it you would enact another Chan Ban on the house so he could never come in again.”

“It was a joke!”

“We both know that that was not a joke, Innie.” Hyunjin sighs, shaking his head.

“Nice,” Chan moves away ever so slightly once Jeongin turned back to him, “you got me in trouble.”

“To be fair,” Chan mumbles, “You did force me to do it.”

“You suck,” Jeongin sighs, flopping back down onto the couch, “Give me the remote. Chan Ban includes no dumbass tv shows.”

Chan hands him the remote easily, getting up to go join Hyunjin in the kitchen.

“Good morning,” He whispers into Hyunjin’s cheek, pressing a light kiss there, “Did you sleep well?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Hyunjin smiles softly, dancing out of Chan’s reach.

“Come back,” Chan whines, tugging at Hyunjin’s wrist.

“Nope,” Hyunjin pours his creamer in, “You’re just as bad as him, you know.”

“Who? Jeongin?” Hyunjin hums his response. “What did I do?”

“You’ve never seen Pride and Prejudice before,” Hyunjin’s eyes flit his way briefly, moving back to watching what he was doing.

“And how do you know that for sure?” Chan smiles to himself.

“Because you watch lame movies, not cinematic masterpieces.” Hyunjin sighs dramatically. “Who knows how many times you’ve watched Star Wars.”

“And what reason would I have to lie to you?” Chan comes up behind him, resting his hands on the counter on either side of Hyunjin’s hips.

“Because you let someone younger than you shove you around to be a good sport,” Hyunjin side eyes him, turning around to press his back against the counter but not shoving Chan away, “When in actuality no one can have that level of patience with Jeongin.”

“Jeongin’s doing what younger siblings do,” Chan leans in to press a kiss against Hyunjin’s lips, moving back to where he was quick as a bullet, “Who am I to deny him getting what he wants?”

“But you deny me what I want?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, taking a sip from his mug, “That’s hardly fair.”

“You have me,” Chan grins, “Isn’t that enough?”

“The kitchen is a communal area.” Chan looks over his shoulder to see Jisung with a towel around his waist grabbing yogurt from the fridge.

“Point?”

“No vomit inducing acts in communal areas,” He deadpans, “Go to your room if you want to do that shit.”

Hyunjin scoffs, putting his mug down before wrapping both hands around Chan’s neck and slipping his tongue in his mouth. Chan has no complaints, going with it until something soft hits his back.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jisung demands, waving his arms around with a washcloth in his hand. “In the kitchen? Have you no values?”

“Why are we screaming at ass o’clock?” Felix walks in, yawning widely.

“It’s after noon.” Chan informs him.

“It’s what time he says it is,” Seungmin shoves his way into the quickly filling kitchen, “You woke me up by leaving,” He frowns at Hyunjin.

“I’m sorry angel,” Hyunjin coos, ducking under Chan’s arms to go over and pinch Seungmin’s cheeks, “I didn’t mean to wake the baby.” Seungmin bats his hands away but lays his head on Hyunjin’s chest, letting him guide him to lean on a counter.

Jeongin walks in then, shoving Chan into the counter so he can whimper at Felix, “Can you make me a sandwich? I haven’t eaten all day and I’m starving.”

“No,” Felix shakes his head back and forth, “I don’t cook on Saturday’s.”

Chan hops onto the counter and watches the chaos unfold from there. He’s mostly trying to stay out of the way, unsure of what will happen if he gets caught in the crossfire. Even still, he gets dragged into the argument. 

“Chan hasn’t eaten because he didn’t want to wake anyone up,” Jeongin stresses, “he deserves to eat something nice as a thank you.”

Hyunjin snorts, “He could eat something nice if you guys weren’t constantly home.” 

“Now I’m really not making food,” Felix retches, “none of you assholes deserve it.” 

Jeongin whips around to face Chan, “Tell him what you told me earlier. About how hungry you are.” 

Chan flounders, and Jeongin rolls his eyes, turning back to address Felix, “Sorry, I forgot he’s an idiot. But he really did tell me he was starving. Like, bad.” 

“Jeongin,” Hyunjin sighs, situating himself in between Chan’s legs, “if you don’t start being nice to my boyfriend I’m going to tell him what you said on your birthday.” 

“You would never,” Jeongin glares. 

Hyunjin tilts his head, “Tell Chan you’re sorry for calling him an idiot or I guess we’ll find out.” 

It’s silent for a moment, and Chan’s dying to know what the hell was said. The way Jeongin’s face is getting redder with each passing second tells him it has to be good. But it also tells him there’s no way Jeongin would let it get out. 

Sure enough, Jeongin apologizes through gritted teeth. The others had gone quiet when the threats came out, but Jisung’s poorly concealed laughter has the youngest chasing him around the kitchen. It’s only when Jeongin reaches for a rolling pin that Hyunjin interrupts. 

“You can’t use brute force to get your way,” he tells Jeongin, “no violence.” 

Jeongin tosses the rolling pin back onto the counter and groans, “You guys suck. You always pick on me because I’m the youngest.” 

“You pick on everyone the most,” Chan says, “if anyone deserves it it’s you.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re like a million years old, go fight with people your own age.” 

Felix laughs and high fives him, “Nice.” 

“Alright, that’s it,” Hyunjin turns to face Chan, “when Jeongin was drunk he said he thought you were a really good guy, and that it was nice to see you make me happy. Felix agreed and cried about it.” Chan blushes, not really expecting it to be something so sweet.

Jeongin gasps, “You’re so mean!” and storms out of the kitchen. 

“If it makes it better,” Seungmin yells after him, “you were drunk.” 

Hyunjin shrugs and leans into Chan’s chest, “Anyone else wanna be a dick bag?”

“I only cried because you cried,” Felix glares, “you know I’m a sympathetic crier.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin giggles, looking up at Chan bashfully, “maybe I did do that.” 

Chan can’t take it anymore and pinches Hyunjin’s cheeks, “You’re so cute,” he says, kissing his forehead. 

Felix pretends to throw up into his coffee, “Gross, you guys ruin everything.” 

At this point Chan’s unbothered, and when Hyunjin kisses him, he kisses back. They’re so wrapped up in each other, neither of them notice the other three leaving the kitchen. 

“I like it when you spend the night,” Hyunjin smiles, “my morning has been so good so far.”

Chan kisses his check again and hops off th as as e counter, “Actually, mine has been pretty good too.” He heads into the bedroom, Hyunjin following along, and grabs some clothes to get out of his pajamas. 

“Did Jeongin really say he liked me?” 

Hyunjin nods from where he’s wrapped himself back in his blankets, “I told you they all liked you. Even if Jeongin’s probably plotting both of our murders right now.” 

It’s actually really nice to know he’s not widely hated by the people closest to Hyunjin. Chan’s trying not to smile too wide, but it’s hard to tone down. Even when Hyunjin starts teasing him over it he can’t force his face to go neutral. 

A knock at the door pulls them from their conversation. Hyunjin calls for whoever it is to come in, and Jeongin opens the door, not looking at Chan at all. 

“Felix says you have to go buy snacks since you were annoying this morning.” He tells Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin groans, “Fine. I’ll go when I walk Chan out.” 

Jeongin whips his head around, “You’re leaving? I thought you were staying to watch the movie.” 

“I’m coming back,” Chan promises, biting back a smile at how cute Jeongin is, “I just have to go do a couple things this afternoon.” 

“Okay, but if you’re late I’m not going to be the one explaining the plot to you.” 

Chan lets himself smile this time, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to be on time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes and leaves, but Chan feels like he’s got him all figured out. It’s actually kind of sweet how he tries to be so cool, even with his cute little face and attitude.

About an hour later Chan goes with Hyunjin to buy snacks, and they part after paying. Chan actually does have to go home and run some errands, but looking at Hyunjin’s shining face he almost doesn’t want to. Still, mustering up all his willpower, they part and he goes home, trying to figure out the fastest way to get everything done so he can go back. 

\---

_**August 23** _

All Chan can think about is ribbons. He blames it on the fifteen times they’d watched Pride and Prejudice since he first saw it. At the beginning of the summer he didn’t have some kind of weird ribbon kink, but now Hyunjin’s flouncing around with one tied in his hair, and it’s almost too much for Chan to handle. 

Hyunjin was always so so pretty, Chan had mostly gotten himself used to seeing him for the first time everyday and not almost dropping from a heart attack. Yet seeing him make his way across campus like some kind of romantic lead was making Chan’s legs go weak. It was somewhat embarrassing, but after watching everyone’s eyes follow his boyfriend, Chan took all the pleasure in the world sticking his hand out for Hyunjin to grab, and leading him into the cafeteria. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Hyunjin giggles. 

“Looking at you like what?” 

“Like you’re high or something. Did you not sleep well? Are you just super zoned out today?”

Chan stops and tugs on Hyunjin’s arm, pulling him into his chest. “I’m just entranced by your beauty,” he tells him, smiling when Hyunjin’s face starts turning red, “no news here.” 

Hyunjin pushes him away, “If you’re trying to butter me up so I won’t be mean to Changbin you’re too late. Seungmin made us all his special breakfast this morning and bought us all coffee from the expensive cafe.” 

“Well I wasn’t trying to butter you up anyways,” Chan smarts, turning back around and heading to their usual table, “I was just trying to admire my boyfriend that I love so much, but once again his big mouth ruined it and now he’ll never know just how perfect he is to me.”

This time Hyunjin tugs on Chan, and when he spins around he plants a sweet kiss right next to his mouth. Instead of giving Chan a moment to respond, Hyunjin drops his hand and skips to the table, sitting directly in front of Changbin. Chan takes a moment to make sure he’s not projecting lovesick puppy before following. 

When he makes it over, Hyunjin’s questioning the validity of Changbin’s gold necklace, despite Changbin consistently reiterating that it’s been passed down from his parents and even he doesn’t really know if it’s real or not.Their banter is easy enough to ignore, and as Chan starts unpacking his lunch, the little digs make him smile. 

It sounds mean, but Changbin had such a big head when Chan and Minho had first moved in with him, to the point they had to teach him a little bit of humility. The fact that he’s being picked on by someone who’s not him makes Chan want to laugh a little. Not that he ever would, of course. 

By the time Chan checks back into the conversation, Felix is grilling Changbin on what he’s been up to for the month they hadn’t seen each other. 

“Just school work and stuff,” Changbin shrugs, “why do you ask?” 

Felix looks at Jeongin, who looks and Hyunjin, who makes a face at Jisung. The four burst out into laughter. Shovelling food into his mouth, Chan giggles along. Not that he thinks Changbin deserves the iciness, but it’s kind of fun to be on the other side of things.

“Did I say something wrong?” Changbin asks Seungmin. 

Seungmin shakes his head, “Nah, just ignore them.” It’s the worst advice in the world, and the same one Hyunjin gave to Chan all those months ago. When Hyunjin makes another dig at Changbin, Chan turns his head to tell him to dial it back a little. Instead, Hyunjin turns to look at him too and wiggles his eyebrows. The move is enough to endear Chan to his antics once again, and he lets his next few comments slide. 

Of course, ever so fashionably late, by the time Minho arrives they’re nearly done with their meal. He plops down next to Changbin and picks a pickle spear off his plate. “What’s going on over here? I could hear you guys laughing down the hall.” 

“Nothing special,” Changbin pouts as Minho bites into his food, “where have you been?”

“Oh you know, I was out.” 

“Out?” Jisung raises an eyebrow, “Because that’s not ominous at all.” 

Minho smiles tightly, “Out.” 

In the back of his head, Chan knows there’s an argument brewing. More important, his brain decides, is just staring at Hyunjin. For some reason, he’s unable to look away. There’s a part of him that knows if he can’t get a hold of himself there will be consequences to it. Mostly in that everyone at the table will tease him until the end of time. Just as he’s convincing himself to stop being a weirdo, Hyunjin tilts his head, successfully entrancing Chan once again. 

It’s at the point where Chan doesn’t care, and when Hyunjin’s face scrunches up in a laugh he reaches over to run a hand down his cheek, prodding gently at the ribbon in his hair. Hyunjin goes stock still and silent for the first time since they’d sat down. 

Trying not to be any weirder in front of all their friends, Chan moves his hand away from Hyunjin’s head and runs it down his back in reassurance. Hyunjin turns to face him, back still completely straight. 

“I just want you to know,” he says lowly, “that I have literally never been more turned on in my life.” 

Chan throws his head back, laughing. 

“What is so funny over there?” Jeongin asks, looking suspiciously between them. 

“Nothing,” Hyunjin giggles, “we were just talking about something.” 

“Anyways,” Seungmin claps his hands together, rolling his eyes, “Changbin and I have class in fifteen minutes so we’re gonna need to wrap this up.” 

Felix raises an eyebrow, “I didn’t know you and Changbin shared any classes.” 

“We don’t,” Changbin clarifies, “our classes just start at the same time.” 

“Behind a tree in the quad or?” Jeongin teases, giggling along with Felix. 

Seungmin rolls his eyes and tosses his empty lunch container at Jisung, “Take that home with you please, it’ll stink up my backpack if I keep it with me.” 

“Have fun sneaking around,” Hyunjin smiles, wiggling his fingers.

“Have fun dirty talking with your boyfriend in the middle of a meal,” Seungmin smiles back. 

Jeongin pretends to throw up, and Felix shivers, covering both his ears. Chan’s face flames, and even though he knows he didn’t do anything, he starts to laugh like he did.

“We weren’t,” Hyunjin calls after Seungmin as he walks away, “you’re jealous!”

Jisung glares at Chan, “I hate you.” 

“I know,” Chan sighs, holding both hands to his cheeks, “I know.” 

\---

_**September 15** _

“Have you actually never been ice skating?” Hyunjin asks, lacing up Chan’s skates, “Or are you just trying to flirt with me.” 

“How is me not knowing how to ice skate flirting?” 

“I mean, it got me on my knees.” 

Chan glances around furiously, trying to make sure none of the children around them had heard that. “You’re so dirty,” he kicks at Hyunjin, making sure he doesn’t actually make contact, “there are tiny ears everywhere.” 

“They’re completely checked out from excitement. It’ll be fine,” Hyunjin snorts. 

“Still, you should be careful.” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, finishing with Chan’s laces and pulling him up. “Do they feel alright? It should feel a little tight around your ankles.” Chan tells him they’re good, and Hyunjin holds his arm as he waddles to the ice. 

“Babe, I really think this is a bad idea,” Chan says once they’re at the ice. 

“You’ll be fine. I’ll be right there,” Hyunjin promises, pushing him forward, “We’ll go slow.” 

They do not, in fact, go slow. Almost as soon as they’re on the ice, Hyunjin grabs both of Chan’s hands and starts skating backwards, pulling Chan along with him. 

“This is the opposite of slow,” Chan screeches, “this is actually really really fast.” 

Hyunjin laughs but slows down, guiding Chan to the ledge all the other kids are holding onto. “Don’t freak out you big baby, I wasn’t going to let you fall.” 

“I wasn’t freaking out,” Chan pouts. Hyunjin sticks by his side as he grips the rail for dear life, inching ahead slowly. Chan thinks it’s sweet that Hyunjin’s willing to deal with his inability to ice skate. It’s also incredibly embarrassing, and as seven year olds continue to pass him, he decides it’s time to get with the program. 

Skating away from the wall, Chan sticks both his arms slightly away from his body to keep his balance. He’s taking baby steps forward, waving his arms around whenever he tilts to one side. Hyunjin tries to teach him how to do it, but Chan’s like a newly born deer, and after twenty minutes has only made his way around the entire rink three times. When he finishes his third lap, Chan gets off the ice and goes to a bench to sit down. 

“You okay?” Hyunjin asks, plopping down next to him. 

Chan leans his head against him, “I have no idea how you’re so good at this. You can barely walk in a straight line most of the time.”

“I was in figure skating as a kid,” Hyunjin tells him, giggling, “and I can totally walk in a straight line.”

“You bump into me every time we walk next to each other. It doesn’t make any sense.” 

Hyunjin kisses his cheek, “If you want to leave we can go get dinner or something. I don’t want you breaking your neck.” 

“No, no,” Chan shakes his head, “you want to ice skate, we’ll ice skate. But if I do eat shit you have to block me from the little kids.” Hyunjin sticks out his pinky and promises to shield him away from the nosy little kids. 

For another hour and a half Hyunjin laughs as Chan slides around, sometimes on his feet, but mostly on his ass. It starts to be fun probably ten minutes in, when they start betting how far Chan can skate without falling. Most of the people on the rink give them a wide berth, and the more Chan practices, the less he falls. At one point, Chan makes it entirely around the ice without falling a single time, and Hyunjin rewards him with a big kiss. 

“Let’s go home,” Hyunjin says, pecking him again, “I’m hungry.” 

“Now?” Chan whines, “I was just getting the hang of it.” 

Hyunjin laughs and kisses his nose, “We can come back another day. But I’m pretty sure they’re closing soon, and I’m cold.”

“Why are you kissing me so much?” Chan asks, scrunching his nose as he’s led off the ice. 

“Because I love you.” 

Chan giggles and pulls Hyunjin towards him. Unfortunately, he severely over estimates his capabilities, and the momentum from Hyunjin hitting his chest sends them both to the ground. He feels bad, but the situation is so funny Chan starts cackling, almost feeling like he can’t laugh hard enough. Hyunjin joins him soon after, lifting himself off Chan’s chest and ending up sitting on his hips. 

“You dumbass, you almost killed the both of us.” Hyunjin scolds half-heartedly. 

“I know,” Chan groans, moving his arm to make sure it’s not broken, “I really wasn’t expecting that.” He looks up at Hyunjin, who grins down at him. “I love you,” Chan tells him, almost whispering.

Hyunjin leans closer to his face so he can whisper the same back.

\---

_**October 3** _

Chan wanted a small birthday. Not that he doesn’t like his birthday, aging is fun or whatever and everyone likes attention. But the older he gets the less he wants anything flashy to celebrate. Of course, _having_ a small birthday is nearly impossible when your boyfriend considers himself an event planner. 

To his credit, Hyunjin had kept the group small, only inviting their respective roommates. However, all of the furniture had been moved out of his living room and replaced with a bounce house. Changbin’s room turned into a karaoke room, and Minho’s was full of different drinking game stations. Every surface in their kitchen was occupied by some kind of food or snack, and Chan doesn’t know how things escalated so quickly. 

He was ambushed when he got home, drinks being pushed into his hands. The bouncy house was filled with bubbles somehow, so Hyunjin pushed them all onto that before they all went away. Then, they played beer pong, ate like four pieces of food each, and Jeongin started up the karaoke machine. The alcohol was making Chan sleepy, so he bummed it on the couch. Hyunjin stayed with him for a while, but it was obviously he wanted to go mess around with his friends so Chan pushed him out there. While it was nice he wanted to stay close, Chan was honestly just having a good time watching everyone have fun. It’d been almost three weeks since they’d all gotten together, and though he’d loathe to admit it, Chan had missed everyone hanging out. 

Not too long after Hyunjin leaves, Minho plops down on the couch next to him. “Your boyfriend is crazy,” he says, “he made me skip my classes to help set up.”

“He made you? Or you took the opportunity.” 

“Either or,” Minho shrugs, “it’s sweet though. I didn’t know anyone could like you enough to go through all the trouble.” Chan pushes him away as Changbin snakes out of Seungmin’s arms and joins them. 

“What’s up oldies? Already hungover?”

Minho flicks him on the forehead, “You’re eight months younger than me, go to hell.” 

“I guess,” Changbin shrugs, “but Chan’s all old and married now. He’s like ten years older than me.” 

“I’m not married,” Chan rolls his eyes, “we’ve only been together for a year.” 

“Mmm, no. You’re married,” Changbin insists. 

“He’s right.” Minho sighs, “We’ve actually talked about it before, and it would be fine if you wanted to move out or anything.” 

Chan raises an eyebrow, “Am I really being kicked out on my birthday?” 

“Obviously not. But we wanted you to know if you wanted to get your own place with Hyunjin we wouldn’t mind. Minho can take care of me after that.” 

“No,” Minho shakes his head, “I will never baby you like Chan does, so don’t expect it.” 

“I’m not even moving out,” Chan interjects, “so we don’t need to worry about it.” 

Minho looks at him distrustfully, “I honestly don’t believe you.” Chan goes to argue, but Hyunjin rushes over and hops in his lap. 

“What are we talking about over here?” he asks. 

Chan shakes his head, “Nothing important. Are you already worn out?” 

“No,” Hyunjin drawls, “I just don’t think my birthday boy has had any birthday kisses.” 

“Oh? And what do you think should be done about that?”

Changbin retches, “You guys know we’re still here, right? Like, you’re doing this infront of us.” 

Hyunjin smiles tightly, “Then leave.” Surprisingly, they do. 

“Anyway,” Hyunjin sighs, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck, “are you having a good birthday?”

“I’m having a great birthday,” Chan kisses his cheek, leaning into Hyunjin’s clinginess.

“I’m glad,” Hyunjin sighs out with a smile, running his fingers through the hair covering Chan’s nape, “I was worried you wouldn’t like it.”

“I’ll always like whatever you do for me,” Chan tells him honestly.

“Chan,” Hyunjin whines, “I don’t want you to like it just because I did it, I want you to like it because you like it.”

“I think those are the same thing,” Chan scrunches up his nose.

“They’re not,” Hyunjin huffs, shifting in Chan’s lap.

Chan hums, pulling Hyunjin closer to him, “I still love you.”

Hyunjin melts into him, laying against his chest, “I still love you, too.” He leans up, pressing a kiss to Chan’s lips. “Happy birthday, baby.”

\---

_**November 12** _

Love is a scary thing, Chan decides. 

They’re at a grocery store, Hyunjin and him. It feels like the most natural thing in the world, walking up and down the aisles together. The domesticity of it all reminds Chan of the conversation he’d had with Minho, about the possibility of him moving out. More than anything, it makes him want things he wasn’t sure he’d wanted before. 

But, love is scary and Hyunjin is sometimes scarier. Most of the time, it seems like he has no clue the impact he has on Chan, which almost makes it worse. Now, he’s looped an arm around Chan’s, and talks mindlessly about his day. The only time they separate is when Hyunjin flounces away to grab something off the shelf, but even then he immediately returns to Chan’s side. It has Chan thinking of growing old, walking around a park feeding birds, and wow, those are some big thoughts for his tiny twenty-three year old brain. 

Though Chan tries to find the words to work out how he’s feeling, he thinks it might be impossible. Words are too little, he thinks, in the vast landscape of emotion. It’s said that love is the strongest emotion, but as Hyunjin pretends to kiss Chan’s face using a giraffe plush, Chan’s convinced there has to be something more. There has to be a way to explain the feeling that your heart will lift away into space, purely from how inflated it’s become. Without those words, Chan doesn’t know how Hyunjin will ever know the energy that flows through him after even a smile from his lover. 

Then again, Chan thinks he might know. There are moments, when they’re laying in bed, or studying in the library, or when he’s being dragged across an ice rink, when Hyunjin looks at him, and he feels that _more._ Even now, he kisses Hyunjin purely because he feels like if he doesn’t his insides will pop, and Hyunjin looks like he _knows._ Chan hopes he does, because he has no intention of trying to explain it next to a row of diapers. 

“Do you have something to tell me?” Chan asks, looking at the aisle they’re in, “Why are we looking at diapers?” 

Hyunjin looks at him exasperated, “Chan I’ve told you three million times. My cousin’s having a baby, and _we’re_ sending her a baby stuff care package.”

“ _We’re_ sending her stuff?” 

“Yes,” Hyunjin groans, grabbing three packs of wipes and throwing them into the cart, “that’s what you do when family members have kids. We were supposed to go to help set up the nursery too, but I told my mom no since you have that essay due next week.” 

Chan’s still confused, “I was supposed to go?” 

“Chan,” Hyunjin flicks his forehead, “you said you would at dinner last week. Thanks for that by the way, now my mom thinks I’m a lazy ass. She even told me not to use you as a way to get out of things I didn’t want to do.” 

“How old is your cousin that she’s having a baby?” Chan asks, watching as their cart fills with random baby stuff. 

“She’s your age.” 

Chan balks, “My age? Really?” 

“Why are you so surprised?” 

It seems kind of obvious to Chan. “I just couldn’t imagine having a baby so young.” 

Hyunjin pouts and rubs his belly, “You don’t want to put a baby in me?” Chan squeaks and turns away, face flaming. 

“Oh my god,” Hyunjin cackles, “what the hell was that?” 

“Nothing,” Chan assures, “I was just surprised.” He tries to sound calm and collected, but he knows he’s laughing panickedly. He grabs some random baby thing and tosses it into the basket only to realize it’s a box of tampons and has to take it back out. 

“I’m not actually asking you to have a child with me,” Hyunjin tells him, rolling his eyes, “it was a joke.” 

“I know it was a joke,” Chan grumbles back, still trying to figure out where the tampons go. And he does. The only thing is, imagining a future with Hyunjin is just a little too much for his well being. He’s been blocking the thought for months, the anxiety over the fact that this is either going to be a forever thing, or it’ll go down in flames. In past relationships, the knowledge that it could go really well or really bad never bothered Chan, figuring that whatever happened would happen on it’s own. 

Now, with how entwined their lives are, and the _more_ that Chan feels for Hyunjin, he can’t stop thinking about it. It’s been almost a year since they officially got together, and logically he knows if he hasn’t screwed it up yet he’s probably in the clear for a little bit longer. Illogically, the moment he thinks of a time past the present he freaks. 

Hyunjin must pick up on the fact that something’s wrong, and they wrap up their shopping trip quickly. The ride back to his apartment is awkwardly quiet, and Chan keeps coming up short when he tries to think of something to say. When they park, Chan tries to grab some of the bags, but Hyunjin tells him not to bother and rushes him upstairs. Once they enter the apartment, he tells Jisung and Jeongin to go unload the car, and for some reason they both do without complaining. 

“We can go to my room,” Hyunjin tells him, smiling gently. 

“For what exactly? We were supposed to watch that movie with Jeongin. He’ll get mad if we don’t.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” Hyunjin leads him into his bedroom and basically forces him onto the bed, sliding in after him and pulling the covers over them. 

Chan sighs, “Hyunjin, what is going on?” 

“Something’s up with you,” Hyunjin tells him, “you don’t have to tell me, but right here we have our own little island. Nothing you say will be brought up once we leave unless you want it to.” Chan has to physically stop himself from lunging at Hyunjin and squeezing him so hard he pops. 

“I don’t want you to be upset,” he says instead. 

“Even if I am, we can work through it. I just need to know what’s upsetting you so I can do my best to fix it.” 

Chan sighs again, “I just get worried about the future.” 

“Are you failing a class or something?” 

“No,” Chan snorts, “I mean our future.” 

Hyunjin freezes. “Do you not see this going anywhere?” 

“What? No, of course not.” Chan reassures, “I just meant like. I don’t know how to say it, I guess.” 

“Just say whatever you can, I’ll try and piece it together.” Chan wishes he could, but even he isn’t entirely sure what the problem actually is. 

“Okay. I guess, it’s just like.” Chan groans loudly, “I’m just worried that one day you’ll fall out of love, or something will happen and we’ll have to break up and I don’t know if I can handle that. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I can’t help but think you’ll realize you’re wasting your time with me and decide it’s not worth it.” 

“Alright,” Hyunjin nods, “do you know why you feel like that?”

Chan laughs self deprecatingly, “Because I suck.” 

“Chan,” Hyunjin sighs. 

“No I’m being serious,” Chan cuts him off, flopping onto his back and pulling the sheet around his face, “I feel like you’re this amazing person who dances, and has really close relationships with a lot of people, and can juggle like a million different responsibilities at once. I can’t do any of that, I’m just that one weird quiet guy who’s too pale because he spends all his time indoors.” 

Hyunjin hums, reaching over to stroke Chan’s belly. It’s surprisingly comforting, and Chan moves the sheets off his face so he can see his boyfriend again.

“I don’t love you because of what you can do for me, or how you make me look. I love you because you’re you, Chan,” Hyunjin says carefully, looking him directly in the eyes, “I think it’s cute that you’re a homebody that can’t figure out how to talk to new people. I’m happy I’m in your life to help you now. I know it’s not very helpful, but the future is something we can’t control. All we have control over is how we act right now. And right now I know that you’re the one for me, and no amount of Friday nights watching drama reruns will change that.” 

Chan nods, sniffling. The weight that had been pressing down on him lifts, and he feels infinitely lighter getting it all off his chest. There’s a part of Chan that’s embarrassed for being so dramatic, but he’s glad they had a hard conversation in such a productive way. Hyunjin pulls him into his chest, and Chan feels safe, and heard, and loved. 

They stay like that for a long time, probably at least thirty minutes, and Chan’s almost positive they’re late to their movie night with everybody. He tells Hyunjin, but they give themselves ten more minutes to lay together. When they’re ready, Hyunjin pulls the blankets down and tells Chan they’re back home. It’s a little corny, but it’s also nice to have a spot where anything can be said and worked through without worrying about embarrassment. 

“Go wash your face,” Hyunjin tells him once they’re officially out of bed, “I’ll round the troops.” Chan agrees, and walks into the en suite, splashing his face with water. He also sneaks a couple pumps of Hyunjin’s really expensive serum, and then ducks out of the bedroom like he’s about to get caught. Of course, nothing can go right for too long, and as soon as the door opens he catches Seungmin attached to Changbin’s neck. 

“Ew,” he groans, “isn’t there a rule about this?” 

Seungmin pulls away, turning to glare at Chan, “You would know. You and Hyunjin break it like once every other day.” 

Chan rolls his eyes, knowing he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. “Whatever. Did Hyunjin tell you we’re about to start the movie?”

“He didn’t. We’ll be there in like, fifteen minutes.” Seungmin promises. Chan tries not to gag.

“I’ll tell them you’re busy.” 

“Thank you, Channie,” Changbin calls as he walks away, “you’re the best!” 

Deciding to wipe the interaction from his memory completely, Chan makes his way into the living room, plopping down on the loveseat him and Hyunjin always get for movie nights.

“Nuh uh,” Minho says, walking into the room shaking his head, “I get the good couch for myself tonight.” 

“No you don’t, I have permanent dibs.” Chan argues.

“And I made a deal with the devil,” Minho grins, “don’t make me go get him.” 

“He’s telling the truth,” Felix tells him from where he’s spread on the big couch, “last week he did all of Jeongin’s lab write ups for it.” 

Chan rolls off the loveseat with a grunted ‘you suck’ and Minho gleefully jumps over him, laying across the entirety of it. Hyunjin ends up coming in and making a little bed of blankets and pillows for them to lay on, and it takes another ten minutes after he’s finished for everyone to settle down. 

“What movie are we even watching?” Jisung asks as Jeongin sorts through a bunch of DVD’s. 

“It’s a surprise,” Jeongin answers, looking up just to wink. 

Changbin groans, “If it’s something in Spanish with no subtitles again I’m leaving. No one’s focusing on languages like you are, Innie.” 

“I tried to encourage you to hone in on skills that’ll help you in the workplace,” Jeongin glares, “but it’s not in Spanish so it doesn’t even matter.”

“I bet it’s Pride and Prejudice,” Chan whispers to Hyunjin, “we haven’t watched it in like half a year.” 

Hyunjin shakes his head, “There’s no way. We have it online, why would he get a DVD?”

“For drama,” Chan deadpans, “what does the kid do that’s not for drama?” In the front of the room, Jeongin finally finds what he’s looking for and puts it in the playstation. He purposefully blocks the screen so no one can see what he’s clicking on, and turns to face the audience once it’s back to a black screen. 

“Now, I don’t want to hear any complaints. The semester's almost over and I’m on track to make the dean’s list, so I deserve to watch any movie I want.”

“Can you just start it,” Minho interrupts, “I’m sick of waiting.” Jeongin sticks his tongue out, but still plops onto the couch and presses play. When the opening to Pride and Prejudice plays, the room groans and Hyunjin turns to Chan.

“It’s annoying that you know my friends so well.” 

Chan smiles at him, “They’re a little predictable.”

“Just a little,” Hyunjin agrees. They watch the movie in silence, and after watching it so many times Chan almost doesn’t notice all the squeals whenever Darcy and Elizabeth interact. It’s not until Elizabeth’s walking into the field that Hyunjin whispers to Chan again.

“When you propose it can only be like this,” he tells him, “if I don’t wake up at dawn and find you in the fog, I don’t want it.” 

“When?” Chan asks, “Not if?” 

Hyunjin shrugs, “I told you I’m pretty sure about us.” 

Chan bites back a grin and tightens his arms around his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, I guess you did.”

**Author's Note:**

> this will probably be the last thing i write for the jlam universe, but i'm really happy with how it ended! if you liked it, please feel free to leave a kudos and a comment! they really help fuel my ego, and my writing habits :))
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/IoveIyhyunnie)  
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